Cafeteria Chronicles: The Good, The Bad, and The Lukewarm

“And the chicken taste like wood” Big Bank Hank, Sugar Hill Gang “Rappers Delight”

I picked one of the longest rap albums in history to tell the story about your first semester at UCF and your relationship with food options. Trust me, there is going to be days you are going to question why on God’s green earth did you spend anywhere from 2k to 3k on eating at the cafe. I just got a flashback from Fall of 2024.

First thing first. When you go on the dining services website, the students in the videos have to be paid actors. On everything I love, eating at the cafe does not make you smile as they are doing. Let’s take a look at the cafeteria’s.

63 South is the main cafe. It’s the all you can eat cafe complete with salad bar, pizza section, different food theme stations, soups, burgers, fries and chicken nuggets. Oh they added an ice cream machine also. That ice cream machine works the same way the ones in McDonalds work. Now you are sitting there like, “wait the ice cream machine at McDonalds never works.” BINGO! I always got a kick out of watching someone go through the motions of finding a spoon, then getting a bowl and going over to the ice cream machine. The look on their faces when they realize after 10 seconds of holding down the lever and looking underneath the nozzle that nothing is coming out is priceless. They even look around to see if anyone was watching them because of the embarrassment. I always sat with a clear view of the ice cream machine just so I could get a laugh. Classic..

The mornings are going to be the least crowded. Doors open at 7am. I do not know your eating habits but I can assure you, this is not your mom’s or granny’s cooking. The biscuits that they serve should be classified as weapons or projectiles. If you were to throw one at someone and hit them in the head, they would absolutely have a concussion. There is a person at the omelet station that will burn your omelet. They took the best omelet maker this side of the Mississippi and made her serve gravy for them hard ass biscuits. Then there is the turkey bacon. People there 2 things that are absolutely true in the United States. 1. OJ did it! 2. There is no such thing as turkey bacon! You have been lied to about both these things your entire lives. Turkey bacon is dark meat turkey that is cut into strips that resembles what bacon would look like. Sorry.. But yeah the turkey bacon is very chewy and most of the time cold. They are normally paired with the biscuits and eggs. These eggs are not at all the eggs from a chicken. These are eggs from a carton. All yellow. If you want real scrambled eggs you are going to have to go home for that.

At lunch when you first walk into the door be prepared to see a line backed all the way up to the door. That is hamburger line. If I had to guess they serve anywhere between 4-500 burgers a day at 63 South. Why? It is the one food that they cannot mess up and is always going to taste good. I swear to you all reading this, I have watched one of the student cooks burn water. The second safest thing to eat is the cereal. They have every type of milk you can think of and some you have never heard of.

63 South is the local social spot for people who are mostly on the east side of campus. You have been warned..

Then there is Knightros. Knightros is bougie. I normally park my car right at the front door. It sits next to the arena and Bounce House. It’s more of a restaurant style cafe. You will not be helping yourself to anything but your drink. They put the food on the plates for you. Yes it’s still all you can eat. Not as crowded, different type of students, hardly any noise. Damn near make you wanna leave a tip on the table when you get up. The food does taste better. I credit this to the volume of people not being as high as it is a 63 South. I have never had burnt food there. It’s an about a 1 mile walk from the Library to Knightros (in the summer it feels like 10 miles) but I do not mind.

That is my assessment of both cafes at UCF. I know once this goes live I am going to get an email telling me I need to come to so and so office. Feel free to leave any comments or questions. I am trying to get all this information out before August.