PART 3 of 3: THE RULEBOOK, THE HEARING, & THE HATERS

Business was booming. That little news interview had turned my dorm room “start-up” into an underground empire. We were moving so many DVD orders, I started naming the DVD burners like pets, Burnie Mac, Smokey, Ashy Larry. Money was coming in so fast I considered dropping out and opening up a legit LLC called Scholars Gone Wild.

But you know success comes with haters.

And who better to hate than… administration.

About three months after the story aired, I got that dreaded email:
“You have been summoned to appear before the University Conduct Board for violations of the Student Code of Conduct.”

I stared at the screen like it had just threatened my mama.

I hit “reply” and typed, “Ok bet. I’m bringing my lawyer.”

They hit back with “Okay, your hearing has been rescheduled to 30 days from now.”

Thirty days? Oh yeah, they knew what time it was.

So boom, I get me a lawyer. Not just any lawyer either, I found a dude who looked like Johnny Cochran and talked like he read courtroom scripts for sport. I show up to our first meeting, toss him the school rulebook and my housing contract like a mixtape. He thumbs through it, chuckles, and goes:

“Yeah. I’ll see you at the hearing.”

The AUC was in shambles by now.

The whole Atlanta University Center knew who I was. At this point, I couldn’t walk down James P Brawly without hearing:
“That’s buddy with the tapes!”
“That’s Mr. will have your chick naked on the internet!”

Half the campus was dapping me up, the other half was praying for my soul and trying to throw holy water on my hoodie.

Then the hearing came.

We walk in that little conference room, Clark had their full Avengers lineup on the other side: the Dean, a Conduct Board chair, some angry woman from Housing who looked like she hadn’t smiled since Freaknik ’95.

They start talking, saying words like “morality,” “university standards,” “compromising institutional integrity.” I swear I zoned out halfway in, already wondering what school would accept transfer credits from Pornhub University.

Then my lawyer stood up.

The man pulled out his glasses, put on his “I passed the bar in two states” voice, and asked:

“Is this a private institution?”
They go, “Yes.”

He pulls out the rulebook like it’s Exhibit A at the O.J. trial and says:

“Are the rules in this book the ONLY rules the university enforces?”

They go, “Yes.”

My man turns to me, smirks, and lays down the housing contract next to the rulebook like a lawyer mic drop.

Then he goes:

“Show me the rule, just one, that says students can’t film adult content in their dorm rooms.”

Silence. Pure silence. You could hear a mosquito blink in that room.

They start flipping pages like Jehovah’s Witnesses looking for scripture. You ever seen people try to make rules retroactively? They were pulling out vague stuff like “students must uphold the moral integrity of the institution.”

My lawyer was like:

“That’s not a rule. That’s a prayer.”

Then he says:
“I’m more than happy to file a lawsuit and let a judge and jury decide if this vague poetry y’all call a policy can override my client’s housing rights.”

That’s when General Counsel stepped in. I guess when you bring in Legal Thanos, the university realizes this ain’t no student code violation… it’s a problem.

They ask us to step out.

We wait in the hallway. My lawyer is over here sipping a Starbucks latte like this is a brunch meeting. I’m sweating like a runaway slave.

We walk back in.

They say,
“We’re dropping all infractions.”

But my lawyer? Nah, he came for blood and tuition refunds.

He says, “Cool. But that’s not enough.”

Now I’m just sitting there like 👀.

He goes:

• “My client will receive a full tuition refund for the year. All fees returned in 5 business days.”
• “He will also receive a 4.0 GPA due to the hostile academic environment created by your mishandling of this situation.”
• “If not, we’ll see you in court, with Channel 5 News in the front row.”

They agreed to everything. And when I say everything, I mean I walked out of that room feeling like OJ at the end of his trial!

But truth be told, I was done.

Atlanta had become too hot. Too many people watching. Too many jealous eyes and too many fake smiles. I needed a reset.

Late that spring, it hit me like a vision from a Waffle House cook on his smoke break.

Tallahassee. Florida A&M University.

It was time to take my talents to the land of Rattlers, Tally Nights, and more… entrepreneurial opportunities.

New school.
New rules.
New hustle.

TO BE CONTINUED… 🐍📼💰 The adventures only got better!